its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
