bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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