I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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