Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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