In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize