Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
