i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
