Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if only i could text you this smell
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
