the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
