She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
