Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
