Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
