Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
