addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
