....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize