Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
