take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize