Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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