On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
