Small penises have feelings too.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
