I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
