I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
