shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
BRING THE BAGELS
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I have post one night stand depression
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
