areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
