He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
