hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
