this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
