i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
