Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
