he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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