Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
