if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize