i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I want to be your penis for a week.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
