i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
whose parrot is this?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
