i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
