i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize