I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
