did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize