he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
