The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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