listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
love makes seman taste better
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
