Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
