I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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