He kissed a someone with a penis
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i out mim tonsoeep
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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