I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
