i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
