She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
