I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
