i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize