I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
