You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
