we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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