Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
