did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
