if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
