Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize