His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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