woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
