i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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