There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
