This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
