so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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