did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
