Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
