So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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