I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
