You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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