what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
