the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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