he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
