Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Houston, we have a squirter
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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