1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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