You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
