shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
