But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
