There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
