great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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