Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
