i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
